Maybe you should just stay home…
6 months into anything, I start to feel discouraged. The thrill of change is gone. The crisis of re-learning slows to a steady effort. I miss the people I moved away from. I learn the difficulties of my new role. I am 8 months into my move across the Atlantic. So I am going to tell you some of the reasons I noticed that a person might be happier staying home. And by staying home I mean not moving away from the country. Visiting other places, but always keeping the residence in the mother-land.
On a practical note, the paperwork of changing countries is a constant stressor. The first years abroad are often granted in short permissions. I received a one year permission to reside in Spain. About halfway through the year I had to find a way to be granted another year long stay. It is mentally challenging to live somewhere and wonder if you will get kicked out when your papers expire. And mine was a privileged move with choice and finances.
In addition to the paperwork to live abroad, finding a good income is very tricky. It is doable possible here in Spain, but the additional legal considerations are overwhelming. A person in a new country needs to figure out which government(s) they owe taxes to, what work permission they have or do not have, and how they are going to convince an employer to sponsor the next permission to reside in the country.
I am also convinced that fitting in abroad is a myth. Despite practicing the local language 15 years, I am immediately recognizable as an outsider. Many times I am happy to play this role and my community here shows me love and support despite my foreignness. But from time to time the sense of being separate hurts a lot. I feel it most during meals when everyone is laughing at jokes I almost understood but did not quite catch. Or at celebrations when there is no one I completely relate to and I feel very different from everyone as I chat and visit.
Beyond the individual challenges, your family needs you and you need them. If no one practically needs you now, someone will while you are abroad. And the hard thing is that moving abroad usually involves a commitment to a job or community. You can’t hop a plane and leave unless there’s some kind of emergency need and leaving means losing the sub-par income you found abroad. You might not find a way to regain that job in the future. You really need your family too even if you feel a strong call to explore and spread your wings.
All of these reasons might show you that you are better off staying home. If you have anything less than a strong desire to live in another country, do not force yourself to make the move. If you do have that strong desire, or divine guidance to make the move - go taking care of yourself. Prepare for the hardships of the factors above. Keep yourself connected to people you love. I think my fate is to be in Spain for this span of time. I have also found so much happiness here, that the painful things are fairly easy to bear. This will not be everyone’s experience. Moving to a new country requires bravery and a willingness to take big risks. But living with purpose in the country of your grandparents’ requires the same admirable traits.
